When the Light Bulb Moment is Too Late: I Lost My Best Friend Yesterday

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Where to begin ... I have no clue. I am absolutely heart broken this morning!

I'm a full time wife and mom and homemaker and I'm just not one to make really close friends and go do things like shop or this or that 'with the girls'. 
If I go somewhere, I'm either alone, with Geezer or with Kim and that's the way I've always preferred it. I'm a homebody to my core.


But somehow Amber was able to connect with me about 4 years ago in spite of my invisible

wall  :-)  And we became very close.

She really was my best friend in one sense of the word and my biggest aggravation in another.  And if you knew Amber very well, you know exactly what I'm talking about.  :-)
She always called me Momma and that in itself broke my heart every time she said it, which was daily ... because I knew she did that because she missed her own mom so much.  And she had been totally lost and alone in this big wide world since her moms passing several years ago. 

Amber was slightly mentally challenged and could function fairly well on her own.  But her illness was just enough of a problem to make her always be finding herself in a mess and our phone would ring and she'd say "Hello Momma,  Guess what now?"  I'd always cringe and says "What NOW, Amber?"  Just like most moms would.  And she'd tell me and I could usually figure a way through her little problem she had caused totally on her own with her own little unique and creative mind ... but then she'd call back and say "Well I thought about your idea but decided to do THIS and now THIS has happened ... I'm so sorry" :-(

Amber was one of the kindest and most loving people you could ever meet.  She was on disability and on a very small and tight income ... but one day just this summer we were dealing with another young couple at church and they were homeless and destitute and Amber got in her billfold and took out $3 and handed it to them and said "Here maybe this will help a little!"  I said "AMBER ... YOU can't give them money ... I'M helping YOU!"  She said "Well I've been homeless and had no one and I know how bad it feels and it will make me feel good to know I've helped them too"  So I let her give them money and then when I took her home I stopped and bought HER lunch and a few groceries.
No matter how little Amber had, she was always ready to share with anyone.

THERE IS SO MUCH I would like to say to and do for Amber TODAY!!!
If only I could go back to Saturday!  If ONLY!!!
She called me late Saturday evening and she was going to the ER.  Seemed like she was always going to the ER and it was late and I had had a very long day and I don't get out at night except for church and she was living in Paducah the last few weeks and would be going to Western Baptist ... so I said "Well it's so late and I don't like to drive at night ... just call me when you get in there and let me know what they say and we'll go from there."  She said ok and she was calling the ambulance.
I thought "AMBULANCE???"
But I had dealt with her on so many things and I knew she was the poster child for 'over speculating'.  So within an hour she was calling back and she said they sent her home and thought she had a tummy bug.  She was very depressed Saturday and had been all day and she was very depressed and eerily quiet on Sunday.  A state she was in often because of so many very hard circumstances.  She handled everything with a big smile, but there was a very sad and lonely young woman down deep inside with a huge broken heart.

Geezer and I had just taken a break in the porch swing yesterday when I got the call that she had been found by a neighbor and had passed.
I was at first in shock and then almost inconsolable. 
The coroner says it was a heart attack!
I'm not convinced of that, but I sometimes over speculate too.  I guess that's why Amber and I clicked so well. 

I will ALWAYS love and miss Amber!  She was such a part of my daily life. 

I'm going to close with the reading below.  I've used it before but it's gold and we just can't read it too much "I" don't think.
You know ... a lot of people like to do things for others, but so many people like to do the kinds of things that make a big splash and get them noticed.  But it's the little people with the big problems that need the most love and care in a quiet sort of way.

Amber was turned away from a food pantry just recently because she wasn't a local resident of that town.  She was crushed and called me.  I went to the store and got her some groceries and took them to her and it was a done deal ... Now HOW do you turn a person away from a FOOD pantry?  She told me her cabinets and frig were bare.
And yes, she needed to learn to manage her money TONS better ... but she received so little and had bills too.  Few of us could have done much better than Amber did with that kind of income. 
Well most of us would have left off the manicures  :-) and I'd talk to her about that and she said it was the one thing that made her feel so good ... looking down and seeing a beautiful manicure. 
So how do you deny a mentally challenged young woman who has absolutely 'nothing' in this whole world ... of a manicure. 
I guess I could have volunteered to give her a weekly manicure for free ... but I was already in over my own head and swamped with my own chores. 

If we could only remember ... that we just can't do too much for someone who has never had anything!   Because they love and appreciate every little bitty thing!
If you know of someone very alone or in need today ... DO SOMETHING for that person today. 
Every little thing matters to people like Amber.  A covered plate lunch when you cook your supper ... just taken to their door ... a phone call ... a card ... a food bag or other gift for no reason but just to lift them up.
BE THE CHANGE in someone's life today!

The Christmas Guest

It happened one day at the year's white end,
Two neighbors called on an old-time friend

And they found his shop so meager and mean,
Made gay with a thousand boughs of green,

And Conrad was sitting with face a-shine
When he suddenly stopped as he stitched a twine

And said, "Old friends, at dawn today,
When the cock was crowing the night away,

The Lord appeared in a dream to me
And said, 'I am coming your guest to be'.

So I've been busy with feet astir,
Strewing my shop with branches of fir,

The table is spread and the kettle is shined
And over the rafters the holly is twined,

And now I will wait for my Lord to appear
And listen closely so I will hear

His step as He nears my humble place,
And I open the door and look in His face. . ."

So his friends went home and left Conrad alone,
For this was the happiest day he had known,

For, long since, his family had passed away
And Conrad has spent a sad Christmas Day.

But he knew with the Lord as his Christmas guest
This Christmas would be the dearest and best,

And he listened with only joy in his heart.
And with every sound he would rise with a start

And look for the Lord to be standing there
In answer to his earnest prayer

So he ran to the window after hearing a sound,
But all that he saw on the snow-covered ground

Was a shabby beggar whose shoes were torn
And all of his clothes were ragged and worn.

So Conrad was touched and went to the door
And he said, "Your feet must be frozen and sore,

And I have some shoes in my shop for you
And a coat that will keep you warmer, too."

So with grateful heart the man went away,
But as Conrad noticed the time of day

He wondered what made the dear Lord so late
And how much longer he'd have to wait,

When he heard a knock and ran to the door,
But it was only a stranger once more,

A bent, old crone with a shawl of black,
A bundle of faggots piled on her back.

She asked for only a place to rest,
But that was reserved for Conrad's Great Guest.

But her voice seemed to plead, "Don't send me away
Let me rest awhile on Christmas day."

So Conrad brewed her a steaming cup
And told her to sit at the table and sip.

But after she left he was filled with dismay
For he saw that the hours were passing away

And the Lord had not come as He said He would,
And Conrad felt sure he had misunderstood.

When out of the stillness he heard a cry,
"Please help me and tell me where am I."

So again he opened his friendly door
And stood disappointed as twice before,

It was only a child who had wandered away
And was lost from her family on Christmas Day. .

Again Conrad's heart was heavy and sad,
But he knew he should make this little child glad,

So he called her in and wiped her tears
And quieted her childish fears.

Then he led her back to her home once more
But as he entered his own darkened door,

He knew that the Lord was not coming today
For the hours of Christmas had passed away.

So he went to his room and knelt down to pray
And he said, "Dear Lord, why did you delay,

What kept You from coming to call on me,
For I wanted so much Your face to see. . ."

When soft in the silence a voice he heard,
"Lift up your head for I kept My word--

Three times My shadow crossed your floor--
Three times I came to your lonely door--

For I was the beggar with bruised, cold feet,
I was the woman you gave to eat,
And I was the child on the homeless street."

Helen Steiner Rice

Peace and love from the canyon ... I love you all gobs and thanks so much ... for stopping by!

#Conrad #christmasguest #depression
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